Why Do Fighters Clinch?

I was watching a debate last night - so many to watch at this time of year. And instead of listening to the content. I decided to watch the body language. I turned off the sound and watched. As Yogi Berra once quipped, "You can observe a lot, by just watching." As the two debated, the distance between them increased. They looked away, down, and not at each other. It was clear that neither was listening and each was only interested in speaking faster and in over speaking the other.  It was quite funny to watch and also a bit disturbing.

In conflict situations, we can learn a lot from professional fighters. The safest place is close - so close in fact that you hold on to your opponent. It's called a clinch. So close that the referee has to separate you. Fighters do this to rest before taking their aggressive natural stance, where they can do the most damage.
The clinch is a good metaphor for our conflicts. How close can we really get to our opponent. Can we get close enough that we can see the world from her eyes, feel her angst, frustration or pain? Do we really have the desire to be so close that we actually can empathize? It's worth thinking about. Better yet it's worth trying. Try restating what your opponent actually says. Try saying, "So what I understand you to mean is…and you see it that way because… In the conflict situations that we face as facilitators, rarely is the situation resolved by one side winning at the expense of the other.

Healthy conflict can result in heating up our team membership. Passion is a good thing. It leads to more energy while forcing team members to sharpen their thinking and speaking. A good team clinch is worth pursuing. In Aikido, we have a saying, "The way out is through the way in."